Melting

I have been fretting and worrying and planning and thinking about the arrival of a son and how that would affect my own life since November, when I discovered Enzo would be joining our family of two. I considered how life would change, and how I would possibly fit in mothering duties with work and school. It felt exciting, but I was scared about potential hassles and not being able to devote sufficient time to my newborn. Worries abounded, to say the least.

Well, it is amazing how thought and worries change the moment you see that beautiful little face. I can tell you that my entire world shifted upside-down, but in a very good way. The first time his eyes met mine (and I know that he looked directly at me, even if doctors and scientists say that newborns can't really see), I melted. My heart became the softest and strongest muscle in my body, and I fell in absolute love. Maybe someday I will share the story about how he got here, but for now I will say that bringing him here was a remarkable, fulfilling experience. The pains and rejoices from that delivery are even better now that I get to kiss and love and snuggle the little guy each day--I just drink him in. He is delicious and deliriously handsome and perfect to me. I tell him all about how perfect he is, and someday I will become the super-annoying mom to him, who just won't shut up about how much I love everything about him. Poor kid. He already gets an earful from the proud mother.

Anyway, I have found myself, for the first time, trying to eliminate. What in my life can just disappear so that I will have more time for my little son? How can I simplify to help myself enjoy this period of life better. I remember telling Dane one time that I will have to sacrifice a little bit of time now with my son, but it will be the best for his future. Oh, how I regret that statement. I don't want to spend a single moment without him.

One thing I do know is that the last week has been one of the very best weeks of my entire life. I wouldn't trade it for a million dollar vacation getaway to some exotic place. The little moments were beautiful, and I spent hours just staring at Enzo as he slept or ate or fussed or smiled or cooed. I am telling you, I am addicted to the little fellow and want nothing more than to be attached at the hip to him.

Now, I just have some thinking to do about how to make this year work a little better for me. I want as much Enzo time as I can possibly have. For now, during these next five weeks off of work, I am going to squeeze in every moment of time possible.

Babies know just what to do to get you hooked, I am telling you. I had no idea about the magical affect of our little guy, but Dane and I have never felt so changed. We love eachother a thousand times more, and we had no idea our hearts could expand so much from the addition. Our love and happiness overflows time and time again. What a blessing Heavenly Father has given us, allowing us to become parents to the purest, most perfect little spirits. Part of me can't wait to see the little one grow and develop and learn, but I will never forget how much I love this little stage, when everything about them is absolutely pure and perfect.

Enzo, you are just the very best thing that has ever happened to us! We couldn't be happier!

*Don't mind the rambling, please. This post was written late at night--3:49--after I woke up my son to eat. Seriously, I think this child would sleep through the night. Who does that? I love my sleep, but eating is definitely a priority over here! I feel like his personal nutritionist--gotta help him stay strong and healthy. The blessings and responsibilities of being a mother! (I can only imagine how much he will sleep as a teenager, now that I think about it...)

**Pictures to come. I think I am going to go private before I post anything. Be sure to plop your email address in the comments if you make it all the way through to this endnote.