It's 5:00 a.m., and I have been up for about an hour now. I woke up and felt wide awake, and I can't get this brain of mine to shut off. So, I thought I would watch a bit of "Mr. Holland's Opus" and write down a few things on this little blog. (To be honest, I really just want to listen to the music from the movie--I love the clarinet solo the girl with red hair plays and the beautiful orchestra piece at the end. Maybe I should pick up the soundtrack or something!)
I have been thinking a lot about how life is full of seasons. We all graduate from high school and move into a new phase of life, a new season where we get to spend lots of time learning...about ourselves really. At some point we may get married or start a career or graduate from college, etc, entering, of course, another season. I am definitely enjoying life right now, but I don't quite feel like I am in a defined season at the moment. Now I know that we don't necessarily move from one to another, but I feel like I am stuck between about three or four right now. I am a part-time grad student (and at this rate, I will be in grad school for about 4 years), a full-time professional at a job I love and can only have once, and desiring so much to be a full-time mom! I think I am hoping the "mom" stage will come soon though. Part of me wants to focus on growing professionally, part of me wants to be a full-time student and get involved in classes and professional organizations, but something deep inside is longing for that period of motherhood. I just can't wait to stay at home and spend my time and energy completely on my family! I know that right now I am preparing--we are finishing our education and saving a lot of money on it, putting money in savings to ease the stress for when we do have children, and practicing with our beautiful nieces--exhausting for the short hours we are with them acutally. Although I can't wait to just be a mom, I am happy to be where I am. I know that my desire to be a mother is righteous, and right now we are doing the very best we can to prepare. Everyday I can see the hand of the Lord working with us. As strange as this season is for me right now, I am so thankful for it! I just need to do my best and keep plugging along--then I can truly treasure my time as a mother. And oh, how I will treasure it!
5 years ago
7 comments:
You know, life is funny. I am in the full-time mom stage, and I do love it and wouldn't ask for anything else, but there are days when I miss learning or working. I think the key is just try to enjoy what we are doing now and know that it will benefit us later. But I will admit, being a mom is an awesome feeling, and unlike anything else you will ever do. Thanks for your 5 a.m. thoughts!
Thanks for your post. it's a crazy life but it's how the Lord intended. Don't worry too much about becoming a mom. Go to the temple with your spouse and find when the time is to have kids. they are great but they also have their season too!
I was actually up last night not being able to shut off my brian either! And crazy enough we were thinking along the same lines! I have been wanting another baby for a while now(insane I know)... our plan was to only have the 2 until school was over but I have not been able to shake this craving! I am constantly trying to see the good in having my kids get a little older and not have a baby to take care of, and maybe get some schooling in myself.. but no matter what I tell my self I feel the need for one SO bad! Cody dis-agrees hence no baby but it must have been a baby night last night!
kasi, i love being a mom! and you will be an EXCELLENT mommy too!! can't wait to see pictures of them!! hint, hint! :)
can i just give you a big huge AMEN to everything you said in this post?!! i feel the exact same way.. and you expressed it so well. thank heavens the lord knows us and what we need and and at what time in our lives we need things WAY better than we do, huh?! you're so cute, and sweet kasi.. and what a perfect little mother you will be someday.
(i met your little sister in the buckle the other day..what a cutie!)
I'm right there with ya! I have mixed feelings about my current stage...trying to decide which role should take priority at the present time. I'm ready for that full time mom stage...I think. But it's all in the Lord's hands at this point, for me. You are such an amazing person. I know you'll make a great mom. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Things that I think about, too, but never take the time to sort it all out. So thanks.
I love that clicking of the motherhood clock in your head. It is so nice to be building a life, but children and husband and home have a siren call all their own. You will be a great mom hun. And you will miss being child-less every so often {but not for long!!}. But even when you are covered in spit-up and haven't had any sleep for three days running, you will love being a momma. It is the BEST.
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