The Best of Both Worlds

(Insert the catchy pop song courtesy of Hannah Montana)

Dane and I have been bitten by the "house owner" bug, but we haven't given in quite yet. Seriously, we have to take advantage of this free rent stuff as long as we possibly can!

We still dream though...

And I try to envision the kitchen, but I can't quite decide if I prefer tile or wood flooring. Tile is ideal for the environment, but it can look so cold and plain. Well, I discovered a great union on HGTV this weekend. Thank you, "Income Property." Seriously, I find out so many great ideas on there like engineered hard wood floors and inexpensive backsplash tiling, etc. So, without further ado, tile that looks like wood flooring. I am telling you, it fit that apartment so well.

I love, love, love it right now. I do realize that by the time we buy a house and can do some of our own renovations, this might be completely out of style. But for now, my dream kitchen has the white subway tile backsplash and this hybrid flooring. Dream on!

(picture found here)

Add that to my Bucket List

Today I got a hankering to go on a cattle drive. Not quite sure why or where that came from, but I told Dane that we have to add that to our Bucket Lists. Could you imagine how much fun riding along with a bunch of ranchers would be?! Just envision yourself riding around the high desert terrain, setting up a tent at night, and starting a fire to make dinner. Now, that sounds rugged, and lately I am getting more into doing some of that manly, physical stuff. I might just have to go and spit on something (just kidding, I am not quite to that point--I plan to preserve some of my lady-ness). First step: learn how to ride a horse. That shouldn't be too hard with a cowboy marrying into the family. I actually think I will need to work on that first step for a while. One step at a time.

Picture found here.

Learning a Lesson

I have thought a lot over the last couple of days about writing this post, mostly because it is so crazy personal....and so crazy for that matter. (Please don't think I am maniacal or anything after reading this!)

When I was really young I watched an episode of "Saved by the Bell, " the one where Jessie Spano wants nothing more than to become the valedictorian of her class. Well, that very moment, I made that silly ranking my primary goal. Through many, many prayers and refusing to study on Sundays, that silly, worldly dream came true. Heavenly Father was true to form and answered my plea. That 4.0 (a symbol of perfection) was such a beautiful number to find on the final transcript.

Fast-forward to college. I decided to try and keep this silly thing going until I finished my undergraduate years. Why stop a good thing, I thought. Well, I let that little number create anxiety and stress. I didn't let school rule everything, in fact, I preferred extracurricular involvement in college. I couldn't let go of that goal. And again, Heavenly Father so faithfully answered my many prayers for help. I happily led my college in walk and with a 4.0 GPA as I received a Bachelor's Degree.

Sadly, I have let that 4.0 determine my worth as a person. I recently learned, now in my third semester of graduate school, that I will be unable to get an A in one of my classes. My 4.0 goal for graduate school is now impossible. I knew that getting the first A- or B+ would be hard, but I never really knew how horrible I would feel inside. I have felt incredibly incompetent. Looking at the B+ on a paper (that solidified my non-A) gave me the worst pit in the stomach I can image. I just kept hearing that little B+ chanting "failure" directly in my ear. I have sobbed and sniffled and coupled over many times over the last few days. I continued staying busy and working hard, but the moment things became quiet, the moment I was able to think, my heart felt so broken.

Right now, as I type this, I am crying. Of course. I am trying so hard to learn from this situation and move on. This was the hardest semester of balance I have faced, and unfortunately school took a back seat yet time after time. Only, this time Heavenly Father didn't bail me out. He let me fall and fall and fall, getting back up each time. I am learning though. I am recognizing, more and more, that I am worth more than what that little number indicates. I am resilient, and I have a lot going for me. I am going to be successful and make beautiful babies and be a happy mother and wife.

I just hope no one else is placing their worth on something that really lacks intrinsic worth. Our worth comes because we are amazing, god-like children of our Heavenly Father, and we have the capacity within us to resemble Him more and more each day. We have potential to achieve greatness through faith and the willingness to endure.

I love Him, and I am thankful for the opportunities I have to grow and stretch myself a little more and a little more all the time. He is going to shape me into something really special someday. I just have to let Him do it. Just you watch!