A Tipping Point

Okay, I am only going to vent for a minute, I promise! Usually I can write things down in my journal, but I am in my office right now and just have the computer standing at attention on this glorious Friday night. The journal is still tucked away in my luggage.

Over the last couple of years I have learned to balance things in life--full-time work and full-time school and being a wife and church callings. It didn't seem so bad. I felt busy, but I actually really enjoy being busy.

Lately, I keep reaching the point where I just collapse and cry because I don't have the energy to do everything. I feel like I have been working myself to the bone and can't seem to do enough at my way-over-40-hours-per-week job and grad school and the YW Pres calling and our apartment managing and trying to be a super-wife. I stopped keeping my six-page to-do list because it kept expanding faster than it was shrinking. I decided that I would rather not look at everything that has to be done for a few days. I just keep hoping that the end will come soon, but it just feels like it will be months before I feel like I can just sit back and not do anything without a huge feeling of guilt. I have never felt so tired in my life. Life really is good, but boy--I am just not handling all of these things as well as I usually do. The positive attitude is good when I am in the middle and around people, but boy have I been falling apart when I am by myself.

I am so thankful for the opportunities that Heavenly Father has given me, but boy did some of these come at some seemingly inopportune times. I am trying so hard to have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me and wonder so often why He felt I could handle this calling with everything else going on. I have strong feelings that this is a great challenge and could help me grow so much more if I would have faith in Him, but I really need to work hard to get there. I don't know if things will get any less crazy, but Heavenly Father will defintely give me the strength I need to accomplish the tasks at hand. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this mini-challenge (compared to the significant trials everyone around me face with such grace), but I know that if I have faith I can be molded into a better individual, more fit for Heavenly Father's kingdom and a bit more like His Son.

I am starting Personal Progress again this weekend, and I am focusing first on developing the faith I need to be a more righteous steward. Studying and applying this little principle of power will definitely have a profound effect on my life.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. I am already feeling a little better. Things always have this crazy way of working out for me, and I know that the Lord will bless me again, and everything will fall into its very place. I just need to have a little more faith. Instead of really focusing on the stresses, I need to keep moving forward.

Now, time to get some work done!